MOM

When I see my friends talking to their mom, be it virtually (facebook, twitter, skype whatsoever) or in reality, i feel so down.

I never feel that kind of love, it is my mom never show or she really never feel it.

Up until now, I doubt, that I actually belong to the family. Because I dont resemble anyone. Even my mom or my grandmother or my siblings or cousins, whoever. I am not. But I do resemble the families from my dad side.

Okay that's not the point.

The point is, I miss something that we call 'mom's touch'. I really want to feel it, i am really deprived of it.

So, i cannot really love that someone who i call her 'mom' until now. The feeling is actually just a sign of a bit respect and for the blessing thing in case she is my real mom.

I dont feel like i want to love her. Never.

But, I just know that..

I NEED to love her. I HAVE to love her.

Although deep inside my heart, i DO NOT want to.

Sorry for saying this. But I have been feeling like this for 23 years, and it is unbearable.

Bye.