STRUGGLE (x boleh tulis dalam bahasa melayu, nnti org ingt terrorist plak kan =.=)

When it comes to exam, we gonna feel that we are facing the biggest battle ever. We put really hard effort for that.

But, people differ according to time and place.


Everyone has their different trials and challenges.


Here, we are fighting, we are having a battle, just using our pen, and paper, together with our mind, in the exam hall.


But, there, our families and friends in Palestine, they are having battle using blood, tears, and every single thing that they have.


So, if I keep on whining and complaining like I am having the biggest problem ever, shame on me.

Something that I keep as a secret

My breathlessness is getting worse.

Until I can feel like I can collapse anytime.

But I never tell anyone, I just write here. Maybe after I die, people can read my blog and know what I am going through.

Yes, it is hard for me to breath and it is painful, dull-like pain. But I dont have time, I have final exam this evening, and no one gonna have time to listen to my complain. Even me myself dont have time to think about this breathlessness thing.

From what I learn in school, usually shortness of breath can occur with activity. And yeah, I experienced that, when I am cycling.

So one day, I decided to walk to school instead of cycling so I wont face any breathlessness. Sadly, I still had the  shortness of breath until I have to stop walking for a while and inhale using my mouth and gasping for the cold air. 

Now, I am just at my study table, doing nothing, but reading and listening to some musics.

I still have my shortness of breath now.

It is a challenge for me.

But its okay, I need to continue studying because the exam is just few hours from now. Yosh!

Lonely

Being lonely is sweet, but tough sometimes.


However, the sweetness of being alone overrides everything. for me, honestly.



Because when I am alone, I have my own space and I am in my own world, where only me and Allah exist.



When I am alone, I can feel Him more.


Thats why I prefer to be alone. But yeah, I only get chance to be alone during final exam. Not even during the study week, but the only time is the night before the exam.


But its okay though. At least I still get my space and I am so happy for that.


Dear Allah, i miss You, i heart thou.



p/s: Today my breathlessness get really bad, I need to catch up my breath badly. Lucky I did that in my room so no one knows, it also happened in the exam hall but everyone was so busy so no one noticed. Great.

But the breathlessness cause pain in my chest. It is hard for me to breath. Am I going to die soon? Owh Please Allah i dont want to die here in Ireland, at least give me chance to go back see my family first.


Deep inside my heart, I realized, You own me Allah. My life is yours.



I love You Allah, I heart thou. <3

Useless or useful

I am totally useless.


i am useless to my friends, to ummah, to the deen, to ppimi, to puisi, to mara, to everything.



Seriously,

I am down to the lowest level one could ever be.

T_________T


cry wont solve a thing.


I am just disappointed with myself.


Today, 12/12/12 , 6.24 pm, when I read the msg in Whatsapp group, how can others be so proactive and I am so passive?


i am no use. again,


Thats why, I should die.

Someone should kill me.


It makes no difference whether I am present or not.

Hope everything will be fine

Tomorrow the exam will start at 6pm. Alhamdulillah. Phew.

So my plan tonight is:-

4.00-7.00 pm: Drug list for CNS

8.00-10.30 pm: Haem smpi pengsan

11.00-12.00am: Respi

Call abah before tido.

3.30 pagi- 4 ptg: Haem smpi muntah

Hehe. ALL THE BEST TO ME AND MY FRIENDS!!!

Reminiscing my old happy life

Suddenly, I am thinking if this,

Miss those sweet happy peaceful nice enjoyable life.

Really big cry. T________________T

LIFE IS A LEARNING PROCESS

I love to watch this.

He learned the hard way.

But the video is so inspirational. Cannot help myself from repeating it again and again.

1 down, 4 more to go!

Hamd lillah

Few hours ago, we just finished our very first exam for this semester, owh I mean our last exam in Dublin.

Tomorrow, around the same time, we gonna sit for another paper, Endocrine Diseases, from 12 to 2 pm.

What I learn from my mistake yesterday:-

1) FINISH the lecture notes first. At least repeat it twice.

2) Since tomorrow is essay paper, so tonight after reading the lecture notes, I have to make kinda a summary for each lecture, basically what it is all about so I wont miss a thing with Allah's help.

3) Memorize all the clinical presentations! Thats really important for the case study.

4) List the drug names; just like what I did for GIT. It really helps! Amazing!

5) Wake up early in the morning. 4 am is the latest. Thats all.

All the best to me and my friends.

ROBBINS BASIC PATHOLOGY

The lecturer always said, "The lecture notes are not enough. Definitely you have to go back and read your Robbins."

Yeah, I want to do that. I know, I am a hardcore of study-fan. I am study oriented person. I am study type. But here, I just dont know why, I think I am losing everything.

I dont want to tell it now, here. Cz it will take my time, which only few hours left before the exam starts.


And do you want to know when can I read the Robbins book peacefully?



When?



On the night before the final exam!

FINAL EXAM FIRST SEM THIRD YEAR MEDICINE

Owh seriously cannot believe I am third year student... Do I look like one? Hehe

So, tomorrow is the day.

The day of my final exam.

Back to back exam. Ouch. Hope it will be fine for all of us.



I really hope so.


And for the BIG thing that gonna happen at the end of this month, I hope, I pray to Allah it will turn out well too insyaAllah..



Help me Allah, help us Allah. We are weak, we are desperate, yes we are.





OMG exam in less than 24 hours!!! And there's still a lot of stuff for me to cover!!!!!
ngaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM DISEASES

Okay, so far these are the topics that I need to cover for the exam. But hey, this is just one module. There are another four modules waiting, with more or less the same number of lectures! :D

1. ICP, cerebral edema, head injury
2. Stroke
3. Ischaemia, anti ischaemic agents
4. Meningococcus, borrelia
5. Drug actions in CNS
6. Eneteroviruses
7. Herpes Viruses
8. Infections of CNS
9. Brain and spinal cord tumours
10. Anxiolytics and hypnotics
11. Drugs treatment for degeneration
12. Neurodegenerative disorder
13. Antipsychotics
14. Muscle and Nerve Diseases
15. Skeletal Neuromuscular Blocking Agents
16. Disorders of myelin
17. Antidepressants and mood stabilisers
18. Narcotic analgesics
19. Drug dependence and drug abuse
20. Anticonvulsants
21. General anaesthetics
22. Neurotoxicology

I dont know where am I standing

Yesterday, a friend of mine called. Crying.

I wonder why. I said to her, "Its okay. You can cry. I am going to listen. Whenever you are ready to talk, you can tell me what you like. Just get everything out of yourself and make yourself comfortable".

Then she told me the reason.

She is UNDER PRESSURE. She said she still have a lot to cover for the final exam. Gosh! I dont know what to say, it is like Albert Einstein (too exaggerate, okay, let say, someone you know for the well-performance in examination) suddenly complaining to you and asking your opinion on how study and such, haha I dont what to feel.


But for me, I felt really motivated. How can such a person who study really hard said that there's still lot to cover? Then, what about me? Dont have study group, always dont have time for study, always fall asleep, always busy here and there, I think I should be the most worrysome person on Earth.

So, thanks to you, my sweet friend, for calling me. I was touched, because you called me. Seriously. <3 <3 <3


And I know, I need to use this time that Allah give wisely. Because I will never get this time back.


The clock is ticking. Angels are watching, Allah is watching too.

I am going to make full use of your time, Allah. Thanks for giving it for free. I heart thou.

We will not go down

Because I am a human being, I listened to this beautiful song by Micheal Heart.

I think I've got it back

Hmm..after few days wasting my time...

What should I say? Those who are struggling from the very first day of school are really working hard during this study week...But here I am...


I havent got a chance to study like them, but I dont know why, I did not even appreciate this study leave time. I wasted my nights, wasted my days, surfing internet, facebooking, games, movies, day dreaming, and SLEEPING!


But I think just now I just got my spirit back. So, tonight, whatever happen, I am going to keep myself awake. As a punishment for being such a sleepy head this few days.

I am going to start now. It is never too late. So, while taking shower just now, I decided. There are few things that I need to change. Seriously.

Because I want to be success in both. I want to pass my exam with flying colours, and I want PUISI to be a successful event. And I want my trip to Tunisia become the best trip ever.

So, I need to change.

1. SOLAH time.
I really need to be punctual. Especially Subuh. And starting today, I will try my best to perform solat sunat.

2. DOA time
I am going to make it longer, and must-say-stuff are: parents, exam, PUISI, Tunisia.

3. Make a list WHAT TO DO (puisi thingy)
I am going to do all this stuff when I am sleepy or too much stuff inside my brain. And I am going to tick them one-by-one. 

Thats all for now. I hope I will become more productive from this moment onwards.

Amin, I hope You will like this, Allah, I heart thou.

I need little drugs

This supposed to be our study week. Final preparation for the very final exam.


But here I am, Sleeping and surfing internet. Maybe because there's too much stuff inside my head thus I want to stop doing everything.


Seriously, I am under depression. And to you who texted me and said I am not the one who having problem, and the world does not revolve around me, thank you. Thank you for putting your anger on me. Thats it. Now i know you and all this while I've been patient with you.


Sadly enough I will never join you guys again. I will lock myself inside my house and thats it. We are not going to meet again.