MOM

When I see my friends talking to their mom, be it virtually (facebook, twitter, skype whatsoever) or in reality, i feel so down.

I never feel that kind of love, it is my mom never show or she really never feel it.

Up until now, I doubt, that I actually belong to the family. Because I dont resemble anyone. Even my mom or my grandmother or my siblings or cousins, whoever. I am not. But I do resemble the families from my dad side.

Okay that's not the point.

The point is, I miss something that we call 'mom's touch'. I really want to feel it, i am really deprived of it.

So, i cannot really love that someone who i call her 'mom' until now. The feeling is actually just a sign of a bit respect and for the blessing thing in case she is my real mom.

I dont feel like i want to love her. Never.

But, I just know that..

I NEED to love her. I HAVE to love her.

Although deep inside my heart, i DO NOT want to.

Sorry for saying this. But I have been feeling like this for 23 years, and it is unbearable.

Bye.

i dont want to go back.

Seriously.

Although I was born there. (urm, I am partially sure about that)o

I dont want to go back there. Where everyday my emotion is being torn, I rarely feel even a tiny of happiness.

I can barely count, how many days out of 20 years, I do feel happy and find my serenity there.


I think I have found another place for me to stay.

maybe here is my plan:


6 March 2013: go back to the hell, morning until night
7 March 2013: sleep sleep sleep
8 March 2013: sleep sleep ( i need to remind that bitch about jet lag)
9 March 2013: morning, heading to new college, evening, rest and explore the place
10 March 2013: get ready with school, books, arranging stuff
11 March 2013: start school.


and say bye bye to the worst hell ever!

aku benci gila nak balik malaysia dah!

at least kat sini, i have my own life, my own school, my own house, 2 years and a half without them is such a bless.

i dont know what to do then. lucky the holiday is just one week.

FIRST TIME

I never feel this way.


Why that person is so rough with me?
What did i do wrong?

I am seriously annoyed with girls who are already in a SERIOUS relationship but still flirting with other guys.

SERIOUSLY annoyed!

JK JK JK

just kidding, just kidding, just kidding


It sounds good, and feels right if the right person person say that to you.

It happened to me, twice, and i dont think it is cool. I think it is really insulting and i was offended.

1) When I went to see the ambassador for a project; i went there with my friend, let say his name is Mr.A

Mr.A : The coat that you're wearing, isn't that Amy's coat?
Me    : Yeah it is.
Mr.A: Why, did she give it to you?
Me   : Nope, she gave this for me to borrow. Before this, I never wear something feminine like this. I usually wear hoodies.
Mr.A: So, she wants to teach you to be fashionable?
Me  : Yes. (only after few days I realized how stupid I am; and even worse, I realized that after talking to my friend)



2) As a representative of student body here, we went to ***** Hospital to visit one of the students here which is ill at the moment. So while waiting for the bus:

Mr.A: Hey what kind of clothes are you wearing? It looks so weird.
( I was wearing a really beautiful hardly ever worn light purple FEMININE coat, but I covered it with a sweater because it was really cold, so maybe it looks a bit weird)
Me   : It is a coat.
Mr. A: Owh, yeah i see. But it looks so weird that you put the sweater on top. I thought you borrowed the purple coat from the nurses here, haha.
And he laughed, alone. I didn't.

because i dont think it is a joke. and even it is a real joke, it is not even funny.


I dont know why, i simply dont like it.

because i like something else.

and guess what?

PREFERENCES

You always express your preference.


That makes me feel annoyed.

Seriously, man, dont make it so obvious.

Should I continue with this?

hello people,

i am back after long break. Not a break actually, i had a really hectic time.

Here, I joined a society. Student society, and I also joined something else, maybe 'usrah' thingy i should say.
Hmm but somehow I feel there's something not right somewhere.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but, suddenly the feeling to rebel is calling inside me.

It is not because of the society itself. But maybe because of myself. lacking of knowledge and lack of reading.

We are demanding of something 'telus' somewhere. But the point here is, are we being 'telus' ourselves?

I dont know, I am nobody to question. Maybe I should think about this in my dream.

Maybe I am no one to ask this question.